Spiderman

My oldest daughter was 6 years old and attending a summer camp. Every day the have different activities for the kids and on Thursday it was "dress up as your favorite superhero or princess."

So the day before, I asked her what she wanted to be and she said Spider-Man. Luckily, we already had the costume so of course we let her go as Spider-Man. So on Thursday, she got dressed up - including the mask - and we dropped her off at camp. Later that day I picked her up and she seemed in a good mood.

But the next morning, when we were driving to camp, she threw a piece of paper into the front passenger's seat. I asked her what it was and she simply said, "Don't open it until after you drop me off." Here I'm thinking it's a wish list for her birthday in a few months.

After I dropped her off, I went back to my car and read the note. It was a picture of the girls in her class making fun of her for wearing a Spider-Man costume. Spider-Man is for boys and girls should be wearing princess costumes:



I was heartbroken that my daughter had to go through this and I couldn't talk to her about it until I picked her up later that day. Needless to say, I showed this to my wife who was livid. She was ready to get into her car and go off on the instructors, girls, and anyone else who had upset our daughter. I was just as upset, but I wasn't upset at the girls. I was more upset with the parents and society for teaching them this behavior.

In our house, we try our best to let our children explore whatever they're interested in and refrain from placing judgement on their choices. For example, we let them decide how they want to get their haircuts. Sometimes it's a buzz cut while other times they want to grow it out. It's important to my wife and I that we don't set unecessary restrictions on our children and give them the opportunity to choose - within reason, of course.

It was important that we spoke to her that what she did wasn't her fault and that she should be able to wear whatever she wants. My wife was heading out of town on a business trip so I had a chance to have some one-on-one time with my daughter. Shortly after the incident, I pulled her aside and asked her what had happened in the drawing she gave me. She told me she didn't want to wear a Spider-Man costume because the girls told her she shouldn't wear it. I replied, "You did nothing wrong and you can wear whatever you want. They were wrong and you were right. Girls can wear Spider-Man or any other superhero costume they want."

I wasn't sure how much had sunk in with her, so I decided not to bring up the topic again and let her choose how she wants to process what I told her.

So my wife comes back from her business trip and she takes our daughters to Target. It's our weekend ritual to pick up supplies and clothes for the girls. Just like with haircuts, we let them choose whatever style they want. For example, my youngest daughter is big into dinosaurs so she gets those every time she needs new shoes.

When she asks my oldest daughter what shoes she wants, guess which ones she picks...Spider-Man! :



I was so proud of her! She ended up wearing them every day for the rest of camp and I never received another sad note all summer.