The Trusted Advisor - by David H. Maister
Date read: 2022-11-04How strongly I recommend it: 5/10
(See my list of 150+ books, for more.)
Go to the Amazon page for details and reviews.
Considered a classic read for all consultants, it provides good advice on how to become a trusted advisor and not just a consultant. A lot of it is on how to sell or cross-sell. A few good nuggets but highly repetitive.
Contents:
- HOW TO GIVE ADVICE
- ENGAGEMENT
- LISTENING
- FRAMING
- ENVISIONING
- COMMITMENT
- "YOU'RE THE EXPERT, DUMMY" CLIENT
- “OH, BY THE WAY” CLIENT
My Notes
Becoming a trusted advisor at the pinnacle level requires an integration of content expertise with organizational and interpersonal skills. Trust doesn’t just “happen” with the passage of time. Typically it requires a form of personal courage—the will and the skills to raise difficult issues, to communicate empathy and understanding, and the ability to genuinely entertain different and difficult ideas.
A common trait of all these trusted advisor relationships is that the advisor places a higher value on maintaining and preserving the relationship itself than on the outcomes of the current transaction, financial and otherwise.
Nonetheless, the old line “trust takes time” is not exactly true either. Trust doesn’t automatically accrue with the passage of time (though one component, reliability, is time-related). Instead, trust increases in step functions—moments that matter. These are moments in which the would-be trustee answers a question a certain way, chooses to raise an issue (or not), even raises their eyebrow in a certain way at a particular moment.
Creating trust entails taking some personal risks. It is the essence of trusting. If you’re not a little scared on occasion, then you’re not taking a risk. And if you’re not taking a risk, you’re not likely to create trust.
It is not enough for a professional to be right: An advisor’s job is to be helpful.
Since clients are often anxious and uncertain, they are, above all, looking for someone who will provide reassurance, calm their fears, and inspire confidence.
“People don’t care what you know until they know that you care.”
Although advising clients sometimes feels like explaining things to a child, the secret to becoming a good advisor is to do exactly the opposite. We should act as if we are trying to advise our mother or father. If we are trying to convince Mom or Dad to do something, we are more likely to find the right words to convey our point so that it comes across with great respect, and any implied critique is softened as much as possible.
As a quick rule of thumb, it is usually better to try to turn assertions into questions. Instead of saying, “This is the best solution,” try the following: “My other clients usually do X for the following reasons. Do you think that reasoning applies here?”
By asking, “Did everyone understand that?” he was creating an atmosphere in which students would have to publicly confess weakness if they said no. His friend recommended that he change his question to “Have I made myself clear here?”
Another way to deal with this situation would be to ask, “Would you like to stay on this point or move on to the next topic?”
The principle here is that the successful advisor assumes responsibility for the proper mutual understanding.
The most effective way to influence a client is to help the person feel that the solution was (to a large extent) his or her idea, or at the very least, his or her decision.
If they ask you to choose, a tactful way to respond to this is to say, “If this were my business or my money, I would do X.”
Most meetings also benefit from a quick summary of what was decided. People often leave the same meeting with different impressions of what was decided. Building trust also requires reducing ambiguities.
Relationship building requires us to find common ground. As our friend Johnny Beamish says, “There’s no such thing as a ‘business relationship,’ only relationships with people with whom you’re doing business.”
The one you are trying to influence must visibly perceive that you are willing to be the first to make an investment in the relationship in order to earn and deserve the relationship.
Before you go into any meeting with a client (or prospective client), figure out the two or three things you want the client to absolutely believe about you by the end of the meeting. Then, figure out, in advance, precisely how you are going to demonstrate that you are those things. Don’t tell them, show them.
On a random day, of no particular significance, call your client and say, “I’ve been thinking about you and ran across some information I thought would interest you. I don’t think it involves us, I just wanted to share the idea with you.”
As you listen to a client talk, the question on your mind should be, “What makes this person different from any other client I’ve served? What does that mean for what I should say and how I should behave?”
You must learn to hold back the temptation to say, early on, “I know how to solve your problem. You need to do the following.” You may be right, but you will fail as a trusted advisor, and your advice will probably not be accepted. Clients don’t always want advice; they often just want a sympathetic ear.
There is some ambiguity in client statements such as, “I’m not sure that will work.” This could mean any of a hundred things, including: “I don’t like the idea.” “I like it but I don’t think I can sell it to my colleagues.” “It could work, but not in the form you’ve presented it.” “I’m not convinced yet, but tell me more.” “Drop the subject now or you’re really going to start annoying me.”
How does the following sound, compared to a stark “Why not?” “Yeah, I can see some ways in which that idea might not work here. Would you say more about it, please? What, in particular, makes you uncomfortable with it?”
You are more likely to be trusted if you say, “I’m not completely sure how to deal with this; can I talk it over with you?” than if you say, “Leave it to me; I’ll solve everything!”
If you want to influence someone, you must find out what influences them. The only way to do this is to ask questions, more questions, and even more questions—and to pay attention to the answers.
A good rule to remember is that, in relationships, there are no win-lose or lose-win combinations: There are only win-wins and lose-loses. If the fit is not there for one party, then, just as for couples who ultimately divorce, it will, in the end, not work for either of them.
But if you had to boil it down, I think that’s it: Just listen, without judgment. Things tend to follow from that, simple though it sounds.
We must find ways not only to be credible, but also to give the client the sense that we are credible. We must illustrate, not assert.
The best service professionals excel at two things in conveying credibility: anticipating needs, and speaking about needs that are commonly not articulated.
“You know, I suppose if I were in your position, I might be wondering about X. Is it possible that that is an issue for you?”
Make sure you’ve done absolutely all your homework on the client company, the client marketplace, and the client individual, and that it’s absolutely up to the minute. Even if you know them and their business cold, there is a decent chance that some news about your client may have been published that very day.
Practice a little. No, you can’t practice spontaneity, but you can practice phrasing. Rob often writes down two or three ways of asking difficult questions or delivering difficult messages, testing and trying them out before actually using them.
We suggest that there are five distinct steps in the development of a trusted relationship.
- Engage - The point in the process where the client begins to feel two things:
- There is an issue worth talking about; and
- This person is worth talking to on that issue.
- Listen - The purpose of listening in building trust is to earn the right to engage in a mutual exploration of ideas. We must not only listen; we must do something to give the client the experience of having been listened to.
- Frame - The process by which the advisor helps the client crystallize and clarify the many issues involved in the client’s problem.
- Envision - By jointly envisioning, the advisor and the client imagine (in rich detail) how the end result might look, without prematurely giving in to the temptation to solve the problem.
- Commit - The purpose of the commitment stage of trust building (and advice giving) is to ensure that the client understands (in all of its rational, emotional, and political complexity) what it will take to achieve the vision, and to help the client find the determination to do what is necessary.
Advisors need to indicate quickly that they understand the buyer’s wants. Not needs. Wants. And not even deliver, just understand. In other words, we must engage quickly around something that is really meaningful to the client.
Engaging with existing clients is about picking the right topic at the right time.
If you have only a limited amount of time (a pass-in-the-hall, or five minutes), lay out the agenda, start with the urgent, and end with the important. If you have somewhat more time, start with the important, and save five minutes at the end of the conversation for the urgent. Either way, it will buy you more client time.
Don’t hold back in raising a topic. Even if you can’t cover it all or show how brilliant you are, it’s still worthwhile to raise it.
A trusted advisor might say, “What I like about your idea is X; now help me understand how we can use it to accomplish Y.”
An agenda should never be presented without discussion. Instead, it should be used as a golden opportunity to have a brief, mutual discussion about how the meeting should be handled.
Listen for what’s different, not for what’s familiar.
Spot hidden assumptions.
Emotional framing is first and foremost about the courage to take a personal risk and surface hidden emotions. Naturally, this is not easy. But it can become an easier process than you think if you can remember that this is usually about framing the client’s emotions (and not ours!).
Naming and claiming is characterized by three factors: An acknowledgment of the difficulty of raising the issue, an acceptance of the responsibility for raising it, and a direct statement of the issue itself.
We call it “the elephant in the parlor.” This is a phrase for the “things that cannot be said,” even though everyone knows them to be true. These situations can only be handled by emotional framing.
In envisioning, the advisor and the client jointly imagine what the end result might look like, addressing the questions: For what are we really aiming here? What will it look like when we get there? How will we know we are there?
Instead of using the words “why don’t we?” at this stage, substitute the words “how would things be if…” Focus on descriptive sentences. Ask questions about things like benefits, end states, or outcomes.
The client, in fact, is every bit as likely to say, after the problem has been defined, “Well, what can we do about this?” And the words “what can we do” are like a Pavlovian bell to many advisors: We feel we must respond because our self-image as technical masters is on the line.
How much better it is to be able to say, “Hold on, we’ll get there, but let’s first spend some time talking about where it is we want to go, and what it is we’re really trying to achieve.”
Think about how this client compares to others where you have been at your most successful and at your least successful. Take at least one lesson from each of those with you every time you visit a client.
Are there any topics I should avoid because they are too delicate to discuss in a large forum? Are there any topics on which the views of your colleagues are significantly divided? Where are we likely to encounter the most resistance? Do you have any initiatives already going on that might interact with the discussion of this one? The trusted advisor, to be effective, must ask questions of this sort in advance.
As you look at a client, force yourself to ask three questions: What is the client’s prevailing personal motivation? What is their personality? How does the state of their organization affect their worldview? Having answered these questions, force yourself to address the question, “How do I adapt my style and approach to deal with this person as he or she likes to be dealt with?”
When thinking about a client’s prevailing personal motivation, which of the following comes first? The need to excel? The need to take action and achieve results? The need to understand and analyze before deciding? The need to drive consensus?
Depending on which comes first (or how they rank overall), you at least have the chance to tailor your conversation to a specific outcome (excellence, action, analysis, or organizational consensus).
CLIENT: “So, what do you think we should do? I can’t spend all my time educating you. It’s been a long time already. You’re the expert. What’s the answer?”
ANSWER: “Well, I know what the answer has been for a number of other clients, but each was different. You’ve got real choices available to you here. I would like to do a little more exploring on this because it could go a number of different ways. I think it depends on a few things, particularly X and Y; may we explore those two a little more?”
CLIENT: “Oh, by the way, I probably should have invited you to that meeting we just had. Did you read the piece? I probably should have sent it to you. You probably should have been involved in that project, but hey, do the best you can.”
ANSWER: “Thanks for meeting me. I asked for this brief time together because I’m missing some data, without which I can’t be of much help. There have been five occasions of my missing a meeting, document, or study, and I’m not clear why that is. What would I have to do to get in the loop? I really want to help make a difference around here, and I would like to work together with you and support your efforts. I am prepared to do whatever it takes. I apologize if this is a difficult conversation (it is for me as well), but my guess is we’ll all be better off if we’re candid. Does that make sense to you? If so, can you help me understand what I can do to be sure I’m being effective?”
One of the worst forms of self-delusion is to assume that one is selling specialized knowledge and that there is a limited amount of it to go around. This preconception leads professionals to resist invitations to take a point of view, to refuse to go out on a limb. Through a combination of fear and of belief that you shouldn’t “give away” the goods until the client has paid, the professional loses both new work and a relationship.
The professions, in a sense, sell confidence, security, and ease. But no client wants to buy air unless they can breathe it first. No client wants to buy a painting without seeing it. If given any choice at all, clients prefer to buy based on a sample—and the more complex, esoteric, high-priced, risky, and personal the product or service, the more that is true.
Force yourself to listen and paraphrase. Get what they’re trying to say. If you can’t say it back in a way that has the speaker replying, “Yes, that’s it, that’s exactly what I’m saying,” you haven’t listened.
Expertise is like love: Not only is it unlimited, you destroy it only by not giving it away.