How to Live: 27 conflicting answers and one weird conclusion - by Derek Sivers
Date read: 2021-06-12How strongly I recommend it: 10/10
(See my list of 150+ books, for more.)
Go to the Amazon page for details and reviews.
Supposedly it took Derek 5 years to write this book. It's set up with very short chapters on how to live a better life. But each chapter contradicts the other by showing you the extreme advice for both sides. For example, in one chapter he tells you to live in the moment and in the next he says the opposite and to learn from the past and plan for the future. Great book with some very good quotes for those trying to figure out how to live a better life.
Contents:
- BE INDEPENDENT
- COMMIT
- FILL YOUR SENSES
- DO NOTHING
- THINK SUPER-LONG-TERM
- INTERTWINE WITH THE WORLD
- MASTER SOMETHING
- LET RANDOMNESS RULE
- PERSUE PAIN
- DO WHATEVER YOU WANT NOW
- CHASE THE FUTURE
- VALUE ONLY WHAT HAS ENDURED
- LEARN
- FOLLOW THE GREAT BOOK
- LAUGH AT LIFE
- PREPARE FOR THE WORST
- LIVE FOR OTHERS
- GET RICH
- REINVENT YOURSERF REGULARLY
- LOVE
- CREATE
- DON'T DIE
- MAKE A MILLION MISTAKES
- MAKE CHANGE
- BALANCE EVERYTHING
My Notes
Don’t even rebel, because that’s reacting.
When you know what you’re doing, you won’t care what anyone else is doing.
Don’t believe anything anyone says. Listen if you want, but always decide for yourself. Never agree with anything the same day you hear it, because some ideas are persuasively hypnotic. Wait a few days to decide what you really think. Don’t let ideas into your head or heart without your permission.
Whoever you blame has power over you, so blame only yourself.
When you can’t change your situation, you change your attitude towards it. So remove the option to change your mind.
Rockets use most of their fuel in the first minute of flight, to escape the pull of gravity. Once they get outside that pull, it’s effortless. Same with your habits. Starting is hard. The rest is easy.
New habits are what you’re trying. Old habits are who you are.
See it all. Touch it all. Hear it all. Taste it all. Do it all.
People make bad decisions because they felt they had to decide. It would have been wiser to do nothing.
The English word “noise” comes from “nausea”. Say nothing unless it must be said.
Shallow rivers are noisy. Deep lakes are silent.
Your whole experience of life is in your mind. Focus on your internal world, not external world.
The longer you go without deciding, the more information is revealed. Eventually, the choice is obvious and made without an agonizing decision.
Just because somebody asked you a question doesn’t mean you have to answer it.
Dramatic people are fueled by reactions. When you stop reacting, they go away.
Use a time machine in your mind, constantly picturing your future self, and your great-grandchildren’s world. Act now to influence that time.
When making a decision, ask yourself how you’ll feel about it when you’re old.
Many huge achievements are just the result of little actions done persistently over time. Cities began with just one building. Walmart was one little store. People with incredible skill just practiced every day.
We overestimate what we can do in one year. We underestimate what we can do in ten years.
If you want a successful network of connections, what matters is not how many people you know but how many different kinds of people you know.
Don’t ask how “they” do things. Ask how “we” do things.
When you’re young, time goes slowly because everything is new. When you get older, time flies by, forgotten, because you’re not having as many new experiences.
Make a story for the things you want to remember. Never make a story for the things you want to forget.
Mastery is the best goal because the rich can’t buy it, the impatient can’t rush it, the privileged can’t inherit it, and nobody can steal it. You can only earn it through hard work. Mastery is the ultimate status.
People don’t fail by choosing the wrong path — they fail by not choosing.
Goals don’t improve your future. Goals only improve your present actions. A good goal makes you take action immediately. A bad goal doesn’t. A goal shows what’s right and wrong. What moves you towards your goal is right. What doesn’t is wrong.
When you’re not practicing, remember: someone somewhere is practicing. When you meet them, they will win.
Don’t do well what you shouldn’t do at all.
Let it send you to events you ordinarily wouldn’t have attended, including classes to learn skills you ordinarily wouldn’t have learned. You’ll become a member of groups you never would have chosen. Eventually, you’ll look, act, and socialize very differently than your previous self.
Wealth brings the pain of responsibility. Fame brings the pain of expectations. Love brings the pain of attachment.
People say they’re not doing the work because it’s hard. But it’s hard because they’re not doing the work.
Pain’s power relies on surprise. If you expect it, it’s weaker. If you choose it, it’s gone.
Don’t wish for good luck. Good luck makes you complacent. Practice thriving with bad luck. Bad luck makes you resourceful and strong. No matter what the world throws your way, you can stand worse.
Put yourself into stressful situations. Eventually, almost nothing will seem stressful.
Since you can’t avoid problems, just find good problems. Happiness isn’t everlasting tranquility. Happiness is solving good problems.
The English word “passion” comes from the Latin word “pati”, meaning “to suffer or endure”. To be passionate about something is to be willing to suffer for it — to endure the pain it’ll bring.
Your problems are never unique. Whatever problems you’ve had, many other people have had the same problem.
If you stop and look around the room, asking yourself if you have any actual problems right now, the answer is probably no. Unless you’re in physical pain or danger, the problems were all in your head. Memories and imagined futures are not real. The present moment is real and safe.
When a new country declares independence, go immediately. All conversations there will be focused on the future.
Ignore all news. If it’s important, there will eventually be a good book about it. When people ask you about current news, proudly have no opinion. Admit you’ve given it no thought at all — and don’t plan to — because it’s not important. Indulging is common. Refraining is rare.
Master the fundamentals, not new tricks. Learn the timeless aspects of your craft. This knowledge will never lose its value. In any given field, learn the oldest thing still around, since it’s the one most likely to last.
People wonder why they’re not living their ideal life. Maybe they never learned how.
Only idiots never change their mind.
Sacrifice the things you used to believe, and the ways you used to be. Learning leaves a trail of little deaths.
Don’t expect to just look it up when you need it. Integrate it into how you think.
Knowledge is often described simply — “in a nutshell”. But the inside of a nutshell is complex. So crack open nutshells to understand them better. Put concepts in a nutshell to keep them in your pocket and pass them around.
Morals seem like they’ve changed in recent history. But really, morals haven’t changed in longer history.
You don’t lack direction. You have too many directions.
“Follow your passion” is terrible advice. Fleeting interests make a dizzy compass. Passions pass so quickly that to follow them would have you dashing around like a dog chasing bubbles.
Your self-control is highest in the morning and diminishes during the day, so review your book’s rules every afternoon.
Someone says life is hard. The comedian says, “Compared to what?” Comedians are philosophers.
Do you know what’s behind each mountain of a challenge? More mountains.
Expecting life to be wonderful is disappointing. Expecting life to be disappointing is wonderful. If you expect to be disappointed, you won’t be.
Practice being uncomfortable, even in small ways. Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Skip eating for a day, or sugar for a month. Go light-weight camping for a week. Befriend discomfort so that you’ll never fear it.
Did someone make you angry? Did a situation make you sad? No. It’s all you. Nothing is good or bad. You just reacted as if it was. When something bad happens, ask, “What’s great about this?”
Instead of changing the world, just change your reactions.
Shallow happy is having a donut. Deep happy is having a fit body. Shallow happy is what you want now. Deep happy is what you want most.
You can’t be healthy in a sick society.
The quality of your life is tied to the quality of your community, neighborhood, and country. You can’t be healthy in a sick society.
Ask open-ended questions, asking people’s thoughts. Ask them to elaborate on whatever they’ve said. Show that you’re interested. Allow silence. Don’t fill it. Silence gives space to think, and an invitation to contribute without pressure.
Whenever you’re thinking something nice about someone, tell them. A sincere compliment can put a lot of fuel in someone’s tank. People don’t hear enough compliments.
To get rich, don’t think about what’s valuable to you. Think about what’s valuable to others. To do the opposite is the cliché of the starving artist: creating something that’s valuable to you, but not to others.
Instead of making a key, then looking for a lock, find something locked, then make its key.
“I’m an introvert, so that’s why I can’t.” No. Definitions are not reasons. Definitions are just your old responses to past situations.
What you call your personality is just a past tendency. New situations need a new response.
Should you try to be consistent with your past self? Should a newspaper try to be consistent with past news? You’re an ongoing event — a daily improvisation — responding to the situation of the moment.
You can make shallow small-talk, or really get to know someone. Choose to connect every time.
If you are apathetic about or against something, learn more about it.
Don’t hope that someone is impressed. Impress yourself.
So don’t love and judge your children that way. Don’t try to change them. Just give them a great environment where they can thrive. Give them the safety to experiment, make mistakes, and fail up.
Imitate your heroes. It’s not copying because it won’t be the same. Your imitation of anything will be unrecognizably warped by your own twisted perspective. Most creations are new combinations of existing ideas. Originality just means hiding your sources.
For something to succeed, everything needs to go right. For something to fail, only one thing needs to go wrong. Don’t try to be more right. Just be less wrong.
What do you want out of life? That’s hard to answer. What don’t you want? That’s easy.
The people devastated by failure are the ones who didn’t expect it. They mistakenly think failure is who they are instead of the result of one attempt. If you’re prepared for endless failures, you’ll never think of yourself as a failure.
People try to explain the world, but the real point is to change the world.
Don’t worship your heroes. Surpass them.
Routine triggers inspiration because your mind and body learn that ideas emerge at that time. The world’s greatest achievements were squeezed into existence by deadlines.