QBQ! The Question Behind the Question: Practicing Personal Accountability at Work and in Life - by John G. Miller

Date read: 2022-06-21
How strongly I recommend it: 6/10
(See my list of 150+ books, for more.)

Go to the Amazon page for details and reviews.

Very quick read on personal accountability. The QBQ stands for the Question Behind the Question, making sure you're asking how you can help or improve versus asking or complaining why others are not doing what you want them to. It's a good reminder to use on yourself when you find that you're focused on things you cannot control.

My Notes

Who is this book for? Anyone who’s ever heard or asked questions like these:

“When will that department do its job right?”
“Why don’t they communicate better?”
“Who dropped the ball?”
“Why do we have to go through all this change?”
“When is someone going to train me?”
“Why can’t we find better people?”
“Who’s going to give us a clear vision?”

These questions seem innocent enough, but they indicate a lack of personal responsibility—I prefer the term “personal accountability”—and go right to the heart of many of the problems we face today, also known as Incorrect Questions, or IQs.

The definition of the QBQ: A tool that enables individuals to practice personal accountability by making better choices in the moment. And we accomplish this by asking better questions of ourselves.

The idea that we are accountable for our own choices and are free to make better ones is fundamental to the QBQ.

The Question Behind the Question is built on the observation that our first reactions are often negative, bringing to mind Incorrect Questions (IQs). But if in each moment of decision we can instead discipline ourselves to look behind those initial Incorrect Questions and ask ourselves better ones (QBQs), the questions themselves will lead us to better results.

Here are the three simple guidelines for creating a QBQ:

Begin with “What” or “How” (not “Why,” “When,” or “Who”).

Contain an “I” (not “they,” “we,” or “you”).

Focus on action.

Don’t Ask “Why?”

QBQ Examples:

“How can I do my job better today?”
“What can I do to improve the situation?”
“How can I support others?”

The best thing we can do to get rid of victim thinking in our world is to get rid of it in ourselves.

The truth is, different people have different reactions to the same situation. Stress is a choice. Stress is also the result of our choices. When we choose to ask a question like “Why is this happening to me?” we feel as if we have no control. This leads us to a victim mindset, which is extremely stressful. Even in cases where we actually are victims and our feelings seem justified, Why me? thinking only adds to our stress.

Are you facing change? Any engines quit in your life lately? If so, ask a better question. Here’s one that really works: “How can I adapt to the changing world?”

When we ask “When?” we’re really saying we have no choice but to wait and put off action until another time. Questions that begin with “When” lead to procrastination.

Most of us have heard the saying “Creativity is thinking outside the box.” There’s a lot of truth in that, but to me true creativity is this: Succeeding within the box.

Focusing on what we don’t have is a waste of time and energy and kills innovation. To really make a difference, let’s instead focus our energy on succeeding within the box.

Let’s ask the QBQ “How can I achieve with the resources I already have?”

Accountable people look for solutions, not scapegoats. They blame no one—not even themselves. If a “self-critique” is warranted, they ask QBQs like “What could I have done differently?” and “How can I learn from this experience?”

Ownership: A commitment of the head, heart, and hands to fix the problem and never again affix the blame.

Frequently I’ll ask a group, “What’s the one thing you would change to enhance the effectiveness of your organization?” Usually they come out with a list of “Ps”: Products, Programs, Policies, Processes, Procedures, Pricing, and People.

People’s minds fill with all kinds of ideas when asked what they would change to improve things. But guess what? Nobody ever says, “Me! I would change me to make our organization run more effectively.”

Here’s a QBQ twist to the serenity prayer for all of us: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know—it’s me!”

Leadership, more than anything else, is about the way we think. It’s a moment-to-moment disciplining of our thoughts. It’s about practicing personal accountability and choosing to make a positive contribution, no matter what our role or “level.” A receptionist, an engineer, a salesperson, a temp, a cashier: They all can be leaders.

Operations or manufacturing IQs: “Why can’t sales just sell what we make?” “When will they learn to sell the right specs?” “Who’s going to get them to understand?”

QBQ: “How can I better understand the challenges faced by the field?” “What can I do to build rapport with the salespeople?”

Executive IQs: “Who dropped the ball?” “When are they going to catch the vision?” “Who’s going to care as much as I do?” “When will the market turn around?”

QBQs: “How can I be a better leader?” “What can I do to show I care?” “How can I communicate more effectively?”

Employee IQs: “Why do we have to go through all this change?” “When is someone going to train me?” “Why don’t I get paid more?” “Who’s going to clarify my job?” “When is management going to get their act together?” “Who’s going to give us the vision?”

QBQs: “What can I do to be more productive?” “How can I adapt to the changing environment?” “What can I do to develop myself?” “How can I become more engaged?”

Marketing IQs: “When will the salespeople deliver our programs?” “Why won’t the field learn more about our new products?” “When is someone going to listen to us?”

QBQs: “What can I do to understand the sales reps’ frustrations?” “How can I learn more about what the customer wants?” “What can I do to articulate my ideas more creatively?”

Parent IQs: “When is my child going to listen to me?” “Why does my daughter hang out with those kids?” “When will my son open up to me?” “Who made the mess in here?” “Why can’t you be more like your sister?”

QBQs: “How can I get to know him better?” “What can I do to help her get through these tough years?” “How can I improve my parenting skills?”

Note: To learn how to utilize the QBQ more effectively at home, read Parenting the QBQ Way: How to Be an Outstanding Parent and Raise Great Kids Using the Power of Personal Accountability.

It’s worth repeating that when it comes to creating and asking QBQs, it’s critical to remember that we generally ask QBQs of ourselves. Certainly, we may ask another, “What can I do to help?” but most QBQs are asked in our minds to enable us to practice personal accountability. It’s not about asking better questions of our coworkers, customers, or family. It’s about asking better questions of ourselves.