Power Schmoozing: The New Etiquette for Social and Business Success - by Terri Mandell
Date read: 2020-08-22How strongly I recommend it: 6/10
(See my list of 150+ books, for more.)
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Recommended by Derek Sivers and although the title is awful, it does include some nuggets of wisdom when it comes to networking. Many sections are highly outdated since it was written in 1993, but the advice on how to network is still sound. Recommended for anyone with concerns on how to socialize and network at different types of professional and personal functions.
My Notes
Focus primarily on how to tell the absolute truth about who you are in the first 5 minutes of a conversation.
Defining someone by what they do for a living is very "them and us." A job title may present an inaccurate and limited picture of who we are. Instead, try asking, "What's your story?"
There are more facets to who you are than you may be aware of, and each one has a potential audience and peer group. All you have to do is to let them know you're there.
You'll find yourself with a group of people who share your interests (or perhaps business ideas) regarding photography, for example. And since you have some knowledge in this area, you'll have something to talk about. Improve your odds for success by doing some preliminary research, like reading up on the latest technical advances or calling the gallery in advance to ask for some information about the artist.
Volunteering connects you to entire new worlds to which you never thought you'd have access. It allows you to get closer to the people in the group. It gives you a "job" at the event, a reason for being there so that you won't feel a need to explain yourself. It gives you something to do instead of just standing around waiting for something to happen. And being in a position of authority, which will draw people to you for information and conversation. But most important, it will make you feel like you belong, which does wonders for your confidence, and gives you a real head start in making contact with others.
Committees that schedule speakers are always a good bet. If you can become involved in the process for inviting guest speakers to your organization's luncheons, workshops, or special events, you'll be able to reach the real VIPs.
"Host versus Guest Mentality" - When you arrive at an event, you shouldn't act like a guest. Instead, act like a host, greeting people, creating goodwill, bringing people together, and taking responsibility for the way you experience the event.
Whenever you arrive at an event where you know nobody in the room, the most important person you can introduce yourself to is the host.
Admitting that you don't know something - or asking a question when it's presumed you already know the answer - is one way of telling the truth.
Eye contact is the best tool to use when trying to start a conversation from scratch. If you're in a room and spot someone you'd like to talk to, simply catch her eye and hold it there for an extra microsecond before you smile and say hello.
If you base your opening lines on the reality you're both sharing at the moment, you'll soon be on your way to a real conversation.
Tips fo Engaging People in Interesting Conversations:
- Use multilayered sentences whenever possible, and try to end with a question. Example: "No, I'm not a member, but I'm interested in their work and I have a friend who's a member. She said it was a great group with good networking opportunities, so I thought I'd check it out. How about you?"
- Let the other person complete his or her story. Don't interject information about yourself in the middle of someone else's dialogue.
Always arrive early or at least on time to an event. Another advantage to early arrival is that you'll have a chance to meet the hosts before they get too busy, and they'll have some time to introduce you to the other early birds. By the time the room gets crowded, you'll have met a least two or three people, and you'll be chatting happily as if you know everyone in the place.
If you can position yourself so that you're not in the way but still have a clear view, say hello to other new arrivals as they check in. To them, you'll look as if you're part of the event, and since they too just arrived and aren't quite sure what to do, they'll see you as a good choice for their first conversation of the evening.
You can work a room by being either mobile (circle the room talking to people and breaking in on groups) or stationary (position yourself in a strategic location, like the bar or buffet table, and hold court from there).
Taking the direct approach by going right up to the most attractive or most powerful-looking person in the room and simply telling the truth. Try something like this: "Hello. My name is Tom Brown. I couldn't help but notice that you seem to know everybody here, and you look very involved. I'm really interested in learing more about this group and meeting some of the people here. Are you a member?"
Or simply: "Hi. You look like someone I should know. My name's Amanda."
The next time you're talking with someone, try waiting an extra second before you reply. Instead of formulating your answer, spend that extra second acknowledging what you've heard.
Keepers are the people you want to stay close to for any number of reasons. Perhaps they're incredibly interesting, and you had such a good rapport with them when you first met that you'd like to permanently build them into your social life. Or perhaps you want them to consider you when they're ready to make a decision that might include you, but there's no immediate action you can take.