Stillness Is the Key - by Ryan Holiday
Date read: 2019-10-19How strongly I recommend it: 9/10
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Heavy stoic philosophy to help anyone slow down and focus. Great for anyone that is feeling overwhelmed and stressing too much.
Contents:
My Notes
To Seneca and to his fellow adherents of Stoic philosophy, if a person could develop peace within themselves if they could achieve apatheia, as they called itóthen the whole world could be at war, and they could still think well, work well, and be well.
Stillness: To be steady while the world spins around you. To act without frenzy. To hear only what needs to be heard. To possess quietudeóexterior and interioróon command.
Stillness is what aims the archerís arrow. It inspires new ideas. It sharpens perspective and illuminates connections. It slows the ball down so that we might hit it. It generates a vision, helps us resist the passions of the mob, makes space for gratitude and wonder. Stillness allows us to persevere. To succeed. It is the key that unlocks the insights of genius, and allows us regular folks to understand them.
Although we speak of attaining the dao, Lao Tzu once said, "there is really nothing to obtain." Or to borrow a masterís reply to a student who asked where he might find Zen: "You are seeking for an ox while you are yourself on it."
To achieve stillness, weíll need to focus on three domains, the timeless trinity of mind, body, soulóthe head, the heart, the flesh.
This is, in fact, the first obligation of a leader and a decision maker. Our job is not to "go with our gut" or fixate on the first impression we form about an issue. No, we need to be strong enough to resist thinking that is too neat, too plausible, and therefore almost always wrong. Because if the leader canít take the time to develop a clear sense of the bigger picture, who will? If the leader isnít thinking through all the way to the end, who is?
In these situations we must: Be fully present. Empty our mind of preconceptions. Take our time. Sit quietly and reflect. Reject distraction. Weigh advice against the counsel of our convictions. Deliberate without being paralyzed.
Remember, thereís no greatness in the future. Or clarity. Or insight. Or happiness. Or peace. There is only this moment.
There is way too much coming at us. In order to think clearly, it is essential that each of us figures out how to filter out the inconsequential from the essential. Itís not enough to be inclined toward deep thought and sober analysis; a leader must create time and space for it.
Napoleon was content with being behind on his mail, even if it upset some people or if he missed out on some gossip, because it meant that trivial problems had to resolve themselves without him. We need to cultivate a similar attitudeógive things a little space, donít consume news in real time, be a season or two behind on the latest trend or cultural phenomenon, donít let your inbox lord over your life.
In his Meditations, Marcus Aurelius says, "Ask yourself at every moment, ëIs this necessary?" Knowing what not to think about. What to ignore and not to do. Itís your first and most important job.
But if we can clear space, if we can consciously empty our mind, as Green did, insights and breakthroughs happen. The perfect swing connects perfectly with the ball.
Whatever you face, whatever youíre doing will require, first and foremost, that you donít defeat yourself. That you donít make it harder by overthinking, by needless doubts, or by second-guessing.
That space between your earsóthatís yours. You donít just have to control what gets in, you also have to control what goes on in there. You have to protect it from yourself, from your own thoughts. Not with sheer force, but rather with a kind of gentle, persistent sweeping. Be the librarian who says "Shhh!" to the rowdy kids, or tells the jerk on his phone to please take it outside.
Appearances are misleading. First impressions are too. We are disturbed and deceived by whatís on the surface, by what others see. Then we make bad decisions, miss opportunities, or feel scared or upset. Particularly when we donít slow down and take the time to really look.
We have to get better at thinking, deliberately and intentionally, about the big questions. On the complicated things. On understanding whatís really going on with a person, or a situation, or with life itself.
We have to do the kind of thinking that 99 percent of the population is just not doing, and we have to stop doing the destructive thinking that they spend 99 percent of their time doing.
Your job, after you have emptied your mind, is to slow down and think. To really think, on a regular basis.
Think about whatís important to you. Think about whatís actually going on. Think about what might be hidden from view. Think about what the rest of the chessboard looks like. Think about what the meaning of life really is.
Sit alone in a room and let your thoughts go wherever they will. Do this for one minute. Work up to ten minutes a day of this mindless mental wandering. Then start paying attention to your thoughts to see if a word or goal materializes. If it doesnít, extend the exercise to eleven minutes, then twelve, then thirteen†.†.†. until you find the length of time you need to ensure that something interesting will come to mind. The Gaelic phrase for this state of mind is "quietness without loneliness."
Journaling is a way to ask tough questions: Where am I standing in my own way? Whatís the smallest step I can take toward a big thing today? Why am I so worked up about this? What blessings can I count right now? Why do I care so much about impressing people? What is the harder choice Iím avoiding? Do I rule my fears, or do they rule me? How will todayís difficulties reveal my character?
Instead of carrying that baggage around in our heads or hearts, we put it down on paper.
How you journal is much less important than why you are doing it: To get something off your chest. To have quiet time with your thoughts. To clarify those thoughts.
Randall Stutman, who for decades has been the behind-the-scenes advisor for many of the biggest CEOs and leaders on Wall Street, once studied how several hundred senior executives of major corporations recharged in their downtime. The answers were things like sailing, long-distance cycling, listening quietly to classical music, scuba diving, riding motorcycles, and fly-fishing. All these activities, he noticed, had one thing in common: an absence of voices.
What made Socrates so wise was that "he knew nothing except just the fact of his ignorance." Better still, he was aware of what he did not know and was always willing to be proven wrong.
Each school has its own take on wisdom, but the same themes appear in all of them: The need to ask questions. The need to study and reflect. The importance of intellectual humility. The power of experiencesómost of all failure and mistakesóto open our eyes to truth and understanding. In this way, wisdom is a sense of the big picture, the accumulation of experience and the ability to rise above the biases, the traps that catch lazier thinkers.
People who donít read have no advantage over those who cannot read.
Find people you admire and ask how they got where they are. Seek book recommendations.
Add experience and experimentation on top of this. Put yourself in tough situations. Accept challenges. Familiarize yourself with the unfamiliar.
Wrestle with big questions. Wrestle with big ideas. Treat your brain like the muscle that it is. Get stronger through resistance and exposure and training.
Confident people know what matters. They know when to ignore other peopleís opinions. They donít boast or lie to get ahead (and then struggle to deliver). Confidence is the freedom to set your own standards and unshackle yourself from the need to prove yourself. A confident person doesnít fear disagreement and doesnít see changeóswapping an incorrect opinion for a correct oneóas an admission of inferiority.
Mastering our mental domainóas paradoxical as it might seemórequires us to step back from the rigidity of the word "mastery." Weíll get the stillness we need if we focus on the individual steps, if we embrace the process, and give up chasing. Weíll think better if we arenít thinking so hard.
Which is why each of us needs to sit down and examine ourselves. What do we stand for? What do we believe to be essential and important? What are we really living for?
Take the time to think about the pain you carry from your early experiences. Think about the "age" of the emotional reactions you have when you are hurt or betrayed or unexpectedly challenged in some way. Thatís your inner child. They need a hug from you. They need you to say, "Hey, buddy. Itís okay. I know youíre hurt, but I am going to take care of you."
It is an endless loop of misery. Weíre envious of one person, while they envy somebody else. The factory worker wishes desperately to be a millionaire, the millionaire envies the simple life of the nine-to-five worker. The famous wish they could go back to the private life that so many others would gladly give away; the man or woman with a beautiful partner thinks only of someone a little more beautiful. Itís sobering to consider that the rival weíre so jealous of may in fact be jealous of us.
To have an impulse and to resist it, to sit with it and examine it, to let it pass by like a bad smellóthis is how we develop spiritual strength. This is how we become who we want to be in this world.
You will never feel okay by way of external accomplishments. Enough comes from the inside. It comes from stepping off the train. From seeing what you already have, what youíve always had.
What do we want more of in life? Thatís the question. Itís not accomplishments. Itís not popularity. Itís moments when we feel like we are enough. More presence. More clarity. More insight. More truth. More stillness.
Get out now. Not just outside, but beyond the trap of the programmed electronic age so gently closing around so many people. Go outside, move deliberately, then relax, slow down, look around. Do not jog. Do not run. Instead pay attention to everything that abuts the rural road, the city street, the suburban boulevard. Walk. Stroll. Saunter. Ride a bike and coast along a lot. Explore.
People who are driven by anger are not happy. They are not still. They get in their own way. They shorten legacies and short-circuit their goals.
Rise above our physical limitations. Find hobbies that rest and replenish us. Develop a reliable, disciplined routine. Spend time getting active outdoors. Seek out solitude and perspective. Learn to sitóto do nothing when called for. Get enough sleep and rein in our workaholism. Commit to causes bigger than ourselves.
Each of us needs to get better at saying no.
Always think about what youíre really being asked to give. Because the answer is often a piece of your life, usually in exchange for something you donít even want. Remember, thatís what time is. Itís your life, itís your flesh and blood, that you can never get back.
In every situation ask: What is it? Why does it matter? Do I need it? Do I want it? What are the hidden costs? Will I look back from the distant future and be glad I did it? If I never knew about it at allóif the request was lost in the mail, if they hadnít been able to pin me down to ask meówould I even notice that I missed out?
Walk. Then walk some more.
A good routine is not only a source of great comfort and stability, itís the platform from which stimulating and fulfilling work is possible.
The greats know that complete freedom is a nightmare. They know that order is a prerequisite of excellence and that in an unpredictable world, good habits are a safe haven of certainty.
When we not only automate and routinize the trivial parts of life, but also make automatic good and virtuous decisions, we free up resources to do important and meaningful exploration. We buy room for peace and stillness, and thus make good work and good thoughts accessible and inevitable.
Mental and spiritual independence matter little if the things we own in the physical world end up owning us.
We donít need to get rid of all our possessions, but we should constantly question what we own, why we own it, and whether we could do without.
It is difficult to think clearly in rooms filled with other people. Itís difficult to understand yourself if you are never by yourself. Itís difficult to have much in the way of clarity and insight if your life is a constant party and your home is a construction site. Sometimes you have to disconnect in order to better connect with yourself and with the people you serve and love.
If solitude is the school of genius, as the historian Edward Gibbon put it, then the crowded, busy world is the purgatory of the idiot.
The wise and busy also learn that solitude and stillness are there in pockets, if we look for them. The few minutes before going onstage for a talk or sitting in your hotel room before a meeting. The morning before the rest of the house wakes up. Or late in the evening after the world has gone to sleep. Grab these moments. Schedule them. Cultivate them.
The email you think you need so desperately to respond to can wait. Your screenplay does not need to be hurried, and you can even take a break between it and the next one. The only person truly requiring you to spend the night at the office is yourself. Itís okay to say no. Itís okay to opt out of that phone call or that last-minute trip.
Sleep is the other side of the work weíre doingósleep is the recharging of the internal batteries whose energy stores we recruit in order to do our work. It is a meditative practice. It is stillness. Itís the time when we turn off. Itís built into our biology for a reason.
We have only so much energy for our work, for our relationships, for ourselves. A smart person understands this and guards it carefully. The greats they protect their sleep because itís where the best state of mind comes from. They say no to things. They turn in when they hit their limits. They donít let the creep of sleep deprivation undermine their judgment. They know there are some people who can function without sleep, but they are also smart and self-aware enough to know that everyone functions better when well-rested.
When most of us hear the word "leisure," we think of lounging around and doing nothing. In fact, this is a perversion of a sacred notion. In Greek, "leisure" is rendered as scholÈóthat is, school. Leisure historically meant simply freedom from the work needed to survive, freedom for intellectual or creative pursuits. It was learning and study and the pursuit of higher things.
Itís a physical stateóa physical actionóthat somehow replenishes and strengthens the soul. Leisure is not the absence of activity, it is activity. What is absent is any external justificationóyou canít do leisure for pay, you canít do it to impress people.
When you defer and delay, interest is accumulating. The bill still comes due and it will be even harder to afford then than it will be right now. The one thing you canít escape in your life is yourself. Anyone whoís traveled long enough knows this. Itís eventually clear we carry with us on the road more baggage than just our suitcase and our backpacks.
A plane ticket or a pill or some plant medicine is a treadmill, not a shortcut. What you seek will come only if you sit and do the work, if you probe yourself with real self-awareness and patience.
The denial of this simple, humbling realityóthe denial of deathóis why we attempt to build monuments to our own greatness, itís why we worry and argue so much, why we chase pleasure and money and cannot be still while we are alive. Itís ironic that we spend so much of our precious time on earth either impotently fighting death or futilely attempting to ignore the thought of it.