Think Faster, Talk Smarter: How to Speak Successfully When You're Put on the Spot - By Matt Abrahams

Date read: 2024-06-21
How strongly I recommend it: 8/10
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Great advice on how to communicate when you're put on the spot. Recommended for anyone having to give impromptu speeches, answering interview questions, or networking and tends to struggle with how to communicate effectively.

My Notes

The next time you feel a negative emotion like anxiety, remind yourself that you and the emotion are not the same thing. Imagine you were someone else observing you experiencing the emotion.

If you’re a fast talker, you might find that deep breathing alone doesn’t slow you down. In that case, try slowing your movements—your hand motions, the nodding of your head, the twisting of your torso, and so on. We tend to synchronize our speech with our gestures. Fast talkers gesture quickly, using swift, jerky motions. Slow down our movements, and our speech will slow as well.

The next time you enter a situation where you think you might have to speak spontaneously, come prepared with a question to ask your audience if you become flustered.

Think of a common communication you regularly deliver, such as a weekly status update or a virtual check-in. Challenge yourself to try different takes. You might vary your emotion, changing your vocal intensity, reframing a statement as a question, inviting others to speak first, injecting humor, adjusting your body posture, and so on.

Another way of reframe communication as conversation is by posing more questions. Questions, even rhetorical ones, are two-way interactions. You and others around you enter into a back-and-forth. No longer are you alone “onstage” in front of your audience—you’re engaging in a dialogue. Even when you’re making a statement, you can think of it as an answer to an unasked question. That in itself can give the encounter a conversational feel and lower the pressure you might experience.

Embrace an opportunity mindset by shifting our focus away from ourselves and toward the audience. Who are they, really? What do they care about? How are they feeling right now? What do they want and need from us? Posing such questions, we can become aware of our situation as an opportunity to enhance the lives or experience of others.

Think about the speakers in different contexts whom you most admire. Who is the best presenter you’ve ever heard and what was so good about them? Who are your favorite conversationalists and meeting leaders, and which of their behaviors appeal to you the most? Make a list of tactics and actions and consider how you might incorporate some of them into your own spontaneous communication.

Focus on “Yes, and…” in your daily encounters with others and you’ll start to see each moment as an opportunity for something wonderful and unexpected.

The "next play" method - The next time you find yourself in a spontaneous speaking situation where things aren’t going as planned, don’t dwell on it. Allow yourself a brief moment to feel emotion—then refocus and move on.

During your next spontaneous situation, ask yourself where you and the person with whom you’re speaking might agree. Next, ask what might be inhibiting your willingness to agree with this person. By reflecting on your two answers you can become more open to assuming a “Yes, and…” posture.

Over the next day, make a point of asking several clarifying questions in the course of three conversations in which you’re a part. Make it your mission to get the other person to explain to you the problem they are trying to solve, the feelings they hope to share, or the information they need. Notice how you get more detail and how you feel less pressure to respond right away.

In general, it’s a good idea to give your audience some kind of road map at the outset of a speech of any length, spontaneous or not. Thinking about what you want to communicate in the context of a story structure can be a useful way to organize your thoughts, even when speaking on the spot.

The next time you need to convince someone to do or think something, try taking Nasr’s advice and structuring what you intend to say as a narrative with a clear beginning, middle, and end. You might try this at work when trying to convince your boss and coworkers to take a certain course of action or at home to get your unruly teenager to change their behavior.

Tell a friend about two events you attended recently. Start by listing features of each event. Now turbocharge your message by leveraging the Comparison–Contrast–Conclusion road map (reflect on how the events are similar, then on how they’re different, then come to some conclusion based on the analysis). In what ways was your response clearer than it might have been had you not used the structure?

The What-So What-Now What structure - You start by discussing an idea, topic, product, service, or argument (What). Then you explain why it’s important, helpful, or useful—why it matters and is relevant (So What). You end with what your audience should do from here with this knowledge—how they might apply it, what actions they should take, and so on (Now What).

Raymond Nasr notes that he counsels his clients to “stockpile stories” in advance, thinking about memorable anecdotes that they can use in certain circumstances. The point, he observes, isn’t to memorize these stories word for word but just to have a “catalog of certain stories” that they can call upon in high-pressure situations.

The “Story Spine” is a class exercise from the world of improvisation, and you can use it to practice structuring information as a story.22 Fill in the following prompt to set up a scenario, including characters and time and place: “Once upon a time… [insert character and place]” “Every day… [describe normal life].” “But, one day… [insert event] happened.” “Because of that… [insert another event] happened.” “Because of [insert yet another event] happened.” [Add more events… ] “Until, finally… [insert final action].” “And, ever since then… [insert change that has taken place].” Using this format, create two or three narratives. Are you starting to get more of a feel for storytelling? The more you do this, the easier it will be to create narratives on the spot.

If you’re about to enter a situation where you think you might speak spontaneously, spend a few minutes jotting down answers to three questions: What do you want people to know? What do you want them to feel? What do you want them to do?

Leverage context and consider the least amount of information you would need to convey your meaning clearly. Then stick to that.

If someone asks how you are, try responding with something like “I am great because I hit a personal best during my workout this morning.” Your partner might ask a follow-up question, and if they do, you can answer it and in fairly short order ask a question of them and then follow up with supportive responses.

Gracefully exiting a conversation: Announce your departure and why you need to go but also exhibit curiosity by asking one final question that signals you’ve listened to what they’ve said and found conversing with them interesting. For example, “I’m going to check out the buffet in a minute, but I’ve loved chatting with you and just have one last question about that trip to Marrakesh you described. What was your favorite restaurant there, in case I get a chance to visit one day?”

WHAT formula for giving toasts:

• Why are we here: First, identify the context for the gathering. For instance, we might have convened to celebrate the life of the deceased, to honor a team’s strong efforts, and so on.


• How are you connected: Let the audience know who you are and why you are speaking.


• Anecdotes or learnings: Offer the audience some stories and/or lessons you learned that relate to the person, group, or event you’re commemorating. Make these stories or lessons relatable, appropriate, and concise.


• Thank: Express gratitude and offer well-wishes to the person, group, or event that you’re commemorating.