How to Stop Worrying and Start Living - By Dale Carnegie
Date read: 2018-08-04How strongly I recommend it: 8/10
(See my list of 150+ books, for more.)
Go to the Amazon page for details and reviews.
Although this book was originally published in 1948, the advice and principles still apply today. Although some of the book is outdated, it's worth reading for anyone looking to stop worrying and start living. Also contains a lot of stoic philosophy and quotes from famous stoics.
My Notes
One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon—instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today.
"Every day is a new life to a wise man."
Do I get up in the morning determined to “Seize the day” — to get the utmost out of these twenty-four hours?
My anti-worry technique is simple. Anyone can use it. It consists of three steps:
- I analyzed the situation fearlessly and honestly and figured out what was the worst that could possibly happen as a result of this failure.
- After figuring out what was the worst that could possibly happen, I reconciled myself to accepting it, if necessary.
- From that time on, I calmly devoted my time and energy to trying to improve upon the worst which I had already accepted mentally.
We must equip ourselves to deal with different kinds of worries by learning the three basic steps of problem analysis. The three steps are: Get the facts. Analyze the facts. Arrive at a decision — and then act on that decision.
“If a man will devote his time to securing facts in an impartial, objective way, his worries will usually evaporate in the light of knowledge.”
When trying to get the facts, I pretend that I am collecting this information not for myself, but for some other person. This helps me to take a cold, impartial view of the evidence. This helps me eliminate my emotions.
I try to get all the facts against myself — all the facts that are damaging to my wishes, all the facts I don’t like to face.
Everyone who wishes to present a problem to me must first prepare and submit a memorandum answering these four questions:
- Question 1: What is the problem?
- Question 2: What is the cause of the problem?
- Question 3: What are all possible solutions of the problem?
- Question 4: What solution do you suggest?
The worried person must lose himself in action, lest he wither in despair.
Let’s not allow ourselves to be upset by small things we should despise and forget. Remember, “Life is too short to be little.”
“Let’s examine the record.” Let’s ask ourselves: “What are the chances, according to the law of averages, that this event I am worrying about will ever occur?”
“Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune.”
God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can;
And the wisdom to know the difference.
To break the worry habit before it breaks you, Rule 4 is: Cooperate with the inevitable.
Whenever we are tempted to throw good money after bad in terms of human living, let’s stop and ask ourselves these three questions:
- How much does this thing I am worrying about really matter to me?
- At what point shall I set a “stop-loss” order on this worry and forget it?
- Exactly how much shall I pay for this whistle? Have I already paid more than it is worth?
Think and act cheerfully, and you will feel cheerful.
Epictetus pointed out nineteen centuries ago that we reap what we sow and that somehow fate almost always makes us pay for our malefactions. “In the long run,” said Epictetus, “every man will pay the penalty for his own misdeeds. The man who remembers this will be angry with no one, indignant with no one, revile no one, blame no one, offend no one, and hate no one.”
Let’s never try to get even with our enemies, because if we do we will hurt ourselves far more than we hurt them. Let’s do as General Eisenhower does: let’s never waste a minute thinking about people we don’t like.
It is natural for people to forget to be grateful; so, if we go around expecting gratitude, we are headed straight for a lot of heartaches.
If we want to find happiness, let’s stop thinking about gratitude or ingratitude and give for the inner joy of giving.
Let’s remember that gratitude is a “cultivated” trait; so if we want our children to be grateful, we must train them to be grateful.
Count your blessings — not your troubles!
Let’s not imitate others. Let’s find ourselves and be ourselves.
When fate hands us a lemon, let’s try to make lemonade.
Forget yourself by becoming interested in others. Do every day do a good deed that will put a smile of joy on someone’s face.
Remember that unjust criticism is often a disguised compliment. Remember that no one ever kicks a dead dog.
Do the very best you can; and then put up your old umbrella and keep the rain of criticism from running down the back of your neck.
Let’s keep a record of the fool things we have done and criticize ourselves. Since we can’t hope to be perfect, let’s do what E. H. Little did: let’s ask for unbiased, helpful, constructive criticism.
Do what the Army does - take frequent rests. Do what your heart does — rest before you get tired, and you will add one hour a day to your waking life.