Hell Yeah or No: what's worth doing - by Derek Sivers
Date read: 2020-08-09How strongly I recommend it: 10/10
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An extremely concise, and informative read from one of my favorite thinkers. Recommended for anyone wanting to think differently and apply principles that lead to a better, happier life.
My Notes
No matter what you tell the world or tell yourself, your actions reveal your real values. Your actions show you what you actually want. There are two smart reactions to this: Stop lying to yourself, and admit your real priorities. Start doing what you say you want to do, and see if it’s really true.
Character isn’t fate or destiny. Character isn’t DNA, decided before birth. Character is the result of your little choices and little actions. How you do anything is how you do everything. It all matters. Your actions are completely under your control, and seem to be the best indicator of future success.
You get no competitive edge from consuming the same stuff everyone else is consuming. It’s rare, now, to focus. And it gives such better rewards.
Imagine the Olympics, where you have the three winners of a race standing on the podium: the gold, the silver, and the bronze. Imagine what it’s like to be the silver medalist. If you’d been just one second faster, you could have won the gold! Damn! So close! Damn damn damn! Full of envy, you’d keep comparing yourself to the gold winner. Now imagine what it’s like to be the bronze medalist. If you’d been just one second slower, you wouldn’t have won anything! Awesome! You’d be thrilled that you’re officially an Olympic medalist and get to stand on the winner’s podium. Comparing up versus comparing down: Your happiness depends on where you’re focusing.
For funnier thoughts on this, search the web for Louis C.K.’s “everything is amazing and nobody is happy” and Jerry Seinfeld’s “silver medal” routines.
The problem is taking any one person’s advice too seriously. Ideally, asking advice should be like echolocation. Bounce ideas off of all of your surroundings, and listen to all the echoes to get the whole picture. Ultimately, only you know what to do, based on all the feedback you’ve received and all your personal nuances that no one else knows.
Now I just assume I’m below average. It serves me well. I listen more. I ask a lot of questions. I’ve stopped thinking others are stupid. I assume most people are smarter than me. To assume you’re below average is to admit you’re still learning. You focus on what you need to improve, not your past accomplishments. Many people are so worried about looking good that they never do anything great. Many people are so worried about doing something great that they never do anything at all.
Everything is my fault - Now you’re the person who made things happen, made a mistake, and can learn from it. Now you’re in control and there’s nothing to complain about.
The guy who ran away with my investment? My fault. I should have verified his claims. The love of my life who suddenly dumped me? My fault. I let our relationship plateau. Don’t like my government? My fault. I could get involved and change it.
When life or a plan feels ultimately unsatisfying, I find it’s because I’ve forgotten to find the intersection of all three:
- What makes me happy
- What’s smart
- What’s useful to others
Let pedestrians define the walkways A new college campus was built, but one thing was still debated: Where in the grass should we put the paved walkways? Some people thought the walkways should go around the grass, to leave it green. Some thought the walkways should cut across diagonally. One professor had the winning idea: Don’t make any walkways this year. At the end of the year, look where the grass has worn away. That shows where the students are walking. Then just pave those paths. Brilliant. I think about this idea applied to life plans or business plans. As time goes on, we get smarter. We learn more about ourselves or our customers — what we or they really want. Therefore, we’re at our dumbest at the beginning, and at our smartest at the end. So when should you make decisions? When you have the most information, when you’re at your smartest: as late as possible. Like the college campus, you can do without walkways for a year. Resist the urge to figure it all out in advance. Realize that now, in the beginning, is when you know the least. When people expect you to make these decisions in advance, get used to saying, “We don’t know yet.” Then tell this simple story about walkways to show them how wise you are.
Alvin Toffler said, “The illiterates of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.” Many people learn only in their first third of life, so schools don’t teach unlearning. We want to see the world clearly and know what’s what. But once we’re past the first stage of wisdom, the next stage involves adapting to new changes. We don’t get wise just by adding and adding. We also need to subtract.
Smart people don’t think others are stupid The woman seemed to be making some pretty good points until she stopped with, “Ugh! Those people are just so stupid!!” She could have said Southerners, Northerners, Liberals, Conservatives, Chinese, or Americans. It doesn’t matter. She just proved that she wasn’t being smart. There are no smart people or stupid people, just people being smart or being stupid. Being smart means thinking things through. It means trying to find the real answer, not the easiest answer. Being stupid means avoiding thinking by jumping to conclusions. Jumping to a conclusion is like quitting a game. You lose by default. That’s why saying “I don’t know” is usually smart — because it’s refusing to jump to a conclusion. So when someone says, “They’re so stupid!” it means they’ve stopped thinking. They say it because it’s satisfying to jump to that conclusion. So if you decide someone is stupid, it means you’re not thinking, which is not being smart. Therefore, smart people don’t think others are stupid.
Don’t focus on the example itself. Use it as a metaphor, and apply the lesson to my situation.
I realized I could advance my music career by reading books that make no mention of music. In fact, I’d have a competitive advantage by doing so, since most musicians won’t!
Judge a goal by how well it changes your actions in the present moment.
If you think you haven’t found your passion… I hear so many people say, “But I haven’t found my true passion!” It’s dangerous to think in terms of “passion” and “purpose” because they sound like such huge overwhelming things. If you think love needs to look like Romeo and Juliet, you’ll overlook a great relationship that grows slowly. If you think you haven’t found your passion yet, you’re probably expecting it to be overwhelming. Instead, just notice what excites you and what scares you on a small moment-to-moment level. If you find yourself diving into a book about programming and playing around with it for hours, go for it! Dive in deeper. Maybe that’s your new calling. If you keep thinking about doing something big, and you find that the idea both terrifies and intrigues you, it’s probably a worthy endeavor for you. You grow by doing what excites you and what scares you.